5 Reasons You Are in A Bad Relationship
5 Reasons You Are in a Bad Relationship
By Carmin Wharton
1 – You won’t speak up.
Your significant other speaks poorly about everyone and everything dear to you – your mama, your friends, your choice of clothes, etc. You sit there and allow it to happen because you are afraid he will think or do what? Speak up and do it the first time he disrespects people or things that are near and dear to you. A man who behaves in this way is either an abuser who is testing to see if he can increase his level of abuse or he’s just a jerk. Usually men who practice domestic violence don’t start out punching, kicking or slapping; it usually starts with verbal abuse and then escalates. If he’s a jerk, you need to find out at once if you can straighten him out by just speaking your mind or if you need to kick him to the curb.
2 - You are dating him because you are trying to please other people.
Are you dating this particular person because he was introduced to you by one of your parents, your pastor, dear family members or friends? Are you afraid of what people will say because you just can’t seem to keep a man? Or, is it that the man seems like such a good catch on the outside that you are afraid if you dump him, people will start talking about you? If any of this is what the deal is, you are trying to please people. In this case, put on your big girl panties, grow up and live your life on your terms with your happiness firmly at the top of your list of priorities.
3 - You don't know what the heck you want.
Most of us know exactly what we do not want in a man. A very small number of us know exactly what we want in a man. If somebody woke you out of a deep sleep and asked you what you do not want in a man, you’d be able to recite a litany of “what I don’t want” off the top of your sleepy head. Spend some time in quiet reflection and decide what it is you want girl. You deserve to be with a man that possesses the qualities you really and truly want. Low self-esteem usually inhibits us from admitting what it is that we really want (and deserve); this holds true for just about every area of our lives – not just relationships.
4 - You've chosen style over substance.
He’s fine as wine and when the two of you walk into a room – the girls all pause. He’s a looker; he dresses to a tee; he drives a car to die for. But is there any substance to him? Does he possess any “stick to your ribs material” or does his ‘material’ just roll off your ribs. Does the man have character and substance or is he just a shadow of a real man?
5 - You are afraid to be alone.
Fear works in two ways to make one remain in a bad relationship. The first way is that for some reason you are afraid to be alone. The first thing you must do is to acknowledge that you are afraid to be alone and then you must get to the root of why you are afraid to be alone. This may require professional assistance; if you need professional help in this area, by all means seek it. The second way that fear works in helping you remain in a bad relationship is that you are afraid that if you dump him, you won’t find anyone else. Nothing is further from the truth. Think back to other relationships that ended and you had the “I think I’m gonna die” feeling. You got over him, survived and now you’re with this jerk. Just leave; there is nothing to fear but fear itself.
Please feel free to use this article in your newsletter, e-zine or blog. However, the byline below must be included in its entirety.
About Carmin Wharton
Carmin Wharton is a relationship coach, professional speaker, entrepreneur, and the author of Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces; a book which focuses on the pitfalls many women encounter while seeking a loving romantic relationship. Carmin uses personal, gritty, and sometimes heart-wrenching accounts of her relationships with men to show that each relationship teaches us a valuable life lesson. She is also the Founder of e-BlackWomenNetwork.com; an online networking community for women of color.
By Carmin Wharton
1 – You won’t speak up.
Your significant other speaks poorly about everyone and everything dear to you – your mama, your friends, your choice of clothes, etc. You sit there and allow it to happen because you are afraid he will think or do what? Speak up and do it the first time he disrespects people or things that are near and dear to you. A man who behaves in this way is either an abuser who is testing to see if he can increase his level of abuse or he’s just a jerk. Usually men who practice domestic violence don’t start out punching, kicking or slapping; it usually starts with verbal abuse and then escalates. If he’s a jerk, you need to find out at once if you can straighten him out by just speaking your mind or if you need to kick him to the curb.
2 - You are dating him because you are trying to please other people.
Are you dating this particular person because he was introduced to you by one of your parents, your pastor, dear family members or friends? Are you afraid of what people will say because you just can’t seem to keep a man? Or, is it that the man seems like such a good catch on the outside that you are afraid if you dump him, people will start talking about you? If any of this is what the deal is, you are trying to please people. In this case, put on your big girl panties, grow up and live your life on your terms with your happiness firmly at the top of your list of priorities.
3 - You don't know what the heck you want.
Most of us know exactly what we do not want in a man. A very small number of us know exactly what we want in a man. If somebody woke you out of a deep sleep and asked you what you do not want in a man, you’d be able to recite a litany of “what I don’t want” off the top of your sleepy head. Spend some time in quiet reflection and decide what it is you want girl. You deserve to be with a man that possesses the qualities you really and truly want. Low self-esteem usually inhibits us from admitting what it is that we really want (and deserve); this holds true for just about every area of our lives – not just relationships.
4 - You've chosen style over substance.
He’s fine as wine and when the two of you walk into a room – the girls all pause. He’s a looker; he dresses to a tee; he drives a car to die for. But is there any substance to him? Does he possess any “stick to your ribs material” or does his ‘material’ just roll off your ribs. Does the man have character and substance or is he just a shadow of a real man?
5 - You are afraid to be alone.
Fear works in two ways to make one remain in a bad relationship. The first way is that for some reason you are afraid to be alone. The first thing you must do is to acknowledge that you are afraid to be alone and then you must get to the root of why you are afraid to be alone. This may require professional assistance; if you need professional help in this area, by all means seek it. The second way that fear works in helping you remain in a bad relationship is that you are afraid that if you dump him, you won’t find anyone else. Nothing is further from the truth. Think back to other relationships that ended and you had the “I think I’m gonna die” feeling. You got over him, survived and now you’re with this jerk. Just leave; there is nothing to fear but fear itself.
Please feel free to use this article in your newsletter, e-zine or blog. However, the byline below must be included in its entirety.
About Carmin Wharton
Carmin Wharton is a relationship coach, professional speaker, entrepreneur, and the author of Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces; a book which focuses on the pitfalls many women encounter while seeking a loving romantic relationship. Carmin uses personal, gritty, and sometimes heart-wrenching accounts of her relationships with men to show that each relationship teaches us a valuable life lesson. She is also the Founder of e-BlackWomenNetwork.com; an online networking community for women of color.
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