CHAPTER EXCERPT

(Click here to view Table of Contents & additional excerpts.)

Do Not Ignore Bad Boy Behavior

Intrigue does not equal good.

           Bad boy behavior can be a criminal act directed toward you or others and bad boy behavior can be exhibited in the form of rude or amoral behavior toward you or others. 

             While most criminal behavior is easy to evaluate as being criminal in nature, let me share one criminal act that, even though it has received a great deal of attention in the last decade, still may  not be considered criminal to some omen.  The crime I am speaking of is Date Rape. Date Rape is a reality and it happens to people you know by people you know.  Eighty five percent of rapes on college campuses are committed by a known acquaintance of the victim.  Most women are raped by “normal” acquaintances.  In my case the “normal” acquaintance who raped me became my first husband. 

            For a long time I wondered what message (viewable only by men looking for prey) was visible on my forehead that drew men behaving badly to me.  Medicine Man is a classic example.  When I met him I was a tender, gullible seventeen-year old.  My parents and younger brother accompanied me as I embarked upon my freshman year in college.  After making sure that my dorm room was crammed with all the comforts of home and taking a tour of the city, my family headed back home.

            The morning after my family returned home, I fearfully but eagerly navigated my way across campus to the gym to register for my first semester of college.  Apparently, the invisible sign on my forehead glowed brightly.  After registration, as I exited the gym, a ruggedly handsome young man who was perched upon a trash can called out to me, introduced himself as an engineering student and asked if he could give me a ride back to my dorm because it was raining.  My first thought was, “He must be crazy to think I would accept a ride from a total stranger.”  Well, I was crazy and this insanity regarding men lasted most of my adult life.  I accepted his ride offer and before I could change my mind, I found myself sitting in a shiny black Pontiac GTO.  During the ride, I noticed that he didn’t look like a geeky engineering student but rather an athlete.  He wore a tight, slim fitting undershirt, which had been cut off just below the breastbone.  He had the most perfectly sculpted chest and abdomen that I’d ever seen.  His skin was a light caramel color and appeared smooth as butter.  He wore his wavy hair shoulder length and had the sculpted cheekbones and brow of a person with American Indian ancestry.  Eventually I learned that he indeed was a brilliant, nerdy student even though he had the look of a thug—a bad boy. Thus began my relationship with my first husband.  For the next several weeks, he became my chauffeur and constant companion. 

            After we had known each other for about a month, one Friday night Medicine Man invited me to attend a party he and his brother were hosting at their apartment.  Having not met any new African-American friends on my predominately white college campus, I jumped at the chance to mingle with other African-Americans from my school and the predominately African-American university located on the other side of town.  Upon arriving at their apartment’s front door, I wondered why I didn’t see lights or hear music and laughter coming from inside.  For some reason, I felt uneasy and I also felt a tug at the top of my stomach (solar plexus).  He unlocked the door and led me into the living room where the only light came form a stove hood in the adjacent kitchen.  I asked him of the whereabouts of his brother and the partygoers.  In one swift move, he grabbed me around my waist, tossed me onto a sofa on my back and began to attempt to kiss and fondle me.  I protested and told him that I didn’t come to his apartment to have sex with him but to attend a party.  As I looked into his glazed over eyes, I realized that he either didn’t hear what I was saying or was ignoring me.  As he lifted his body off of mine to create enough space to pull my pants down, in one swift move, I drew my knees to my . . .

Lesson In-Depth

• If a relationship starts out badly, it will end badly and when it ends, you may no longer be alive.  Never ever let assault and abuse pass, thinking things will get better.  Things will not improve.  Never allow yourself to believe that you caused or deserved the abuse or assault.  Report the assault or abuse to the authorities and run like hell as far away as you can. 
• If a man mistreats others,  ...

Gift      

The ability to recognize pain as a friend. If it hurts ...

Provoking Thought:     What fruit is he bearing?  Even though another person cannot be held responsible for your happiness and peace of mind, your soul should feel good being . . .