Chapter Sample
Lesson II
This Is Not As Good As It Gets
Sex is important but it ain't everything.
What do you really desire in a man? All men and women, (be they heterosexual, homosexual or any other “sexual”), are usually physically attracted to a certain type of man or woman. Some women like lean slender guys and some women like muscular guys and so forth. Does he need to be the color of blackberry pie or is your pleasure the color of flan with a caramel glaze? Maybe your dream man is white as the driven snow. Ladies, be honest—to thine own self be true. You know what you like—what attracts you visually. If you don’t, stop reading this right now and get a piece of paper and thoughtfully consider what type of man attracts you visually—the moment you see him. Is he taller than you or does his height not matter? Does race matter or are you willing to explore men of other racial/ethnic groups? Do you need to see a six-pack in the abs area or is a thick tummy ok? Have you made your list of physical desirables? Good, now set the list aside for a bit. Why? Because when you only focus on the outside—the package a man is in—you may miss out on a blessing. It’s ok to have desires, but address the desires for what you want him to be on the inside first. Then move to the outside details and keep several things in mind:
No one is perfect.
We are all a work in progress.
Your ideal mate may not come in the package you are expecting.
However, there is someone who God has for you and the two of you are perfect for each other. Remain open and he will walk right into your life, sometimes in the most unlikely place. Having said that, let’s get back to the desires of your heart. Here are some questions for you to ponder. Does he need to be spiritual, be a regular church attendee or can he just acknowledge that there is a God? Does he have to practice the same faith as you do? Does he need to know the difference between Michael Jordan and Michael Vick; in other words, if you are into sports, is he? Believe it or not, there are some guys who could care less about the Super Bowl, the Sugar Bowl, or any other sporting event. Do you like to attend concerts or the theatre? Does he? If not, is he willing to learn enough about something you like (and vice-versa) so you can enjoy things together? Should he be a tender, slow lover or do you desire someone whose lovemaking requires you to be in the shape of a marathon runner? As you think on what you desire in a man, just remember that even though they say opposites attract; people with more in common have a better chance of staying together. Some people say size does not matter (or does it?); regardless, your sexual appetite and that of your honey does matter. However, the next experience I will share proves just because the sex is great or even decent, does not mean you are to be with this man.
Before I go into the details of how I learned this lesson, let me say this. God created sex. Thank you God! Just look at how God designed the male and female sex organs; perfect fit. Just think of the warmth and comfort you feel when you engage in the sex act with someone you feel passionately about! Thank you God for inventing the sex act.
My heart did a flip-flop when I first laid eyes on my second husband and the father of my children, Mucker. As mentioned in the previous lesson, I had left my first husband and returned to my hometown and was attending the local community college. I decided to seek part-time employment and answered an interview request at a department store. After completing the employment application, I sat in a room in the store’s personnel office with two other applicants. Suddenly, in walked a tall, slim, brown skinned and devastatingly handsome brother. He was wearing a brown, 3-piece suit and a light blue dress shirt. As he shut the door and turned toward the table where we were sitting, his eyes fell on me. Even though he tried to maintain his composure, I could tell (and he later admitted) he was smitten the moment his eyes fell on me. And Lord have mercy, so was I! This gentleman was the men’s clothing department manager and he was seeking a part-time retail clerk. As he gathered his composure, he flashed a smile and asked each applicant a couple of questions and exited the room but not before stealing one last look at me over his shoulder. Later he would tell me that when he exited the room, the personnel manager asked him which of the three applicants he wanted to hire. He replied, “The cute black one.” That was me. This tall, handsome stranger became my supervisor and eventually my husband and the father of my children. I honestly believe that out of the men I have known, I have only really loved two of them and this man was the first.
As Mucker trained me in departmental procedures and retail sales, he often appeared to loose his focus and was quite nervous. After about a month, he asked me to go out with him and I said no. I was not willing to mix work and pleasure. Eventually he exhibited great ingenuity in getting me to go out with him. One day he announced that he was taking his “employees” (me and an older woman who served as his full-time employee) to dinner because of the “hard work” we’d been doing. Our dinner at an Italian restaurant was nice and uneventful and it didn’t go unnoticed by me that as the three of us entered the booth at the restaurant, he ended up sharing my booth bench seat. Following dinner, he drove the other worker home first. This woman and her husband lived in a rural part of my hometown and their house was situated near a picturesque lake on a street bearing their sir name. As we pulled into her driveway, she insisted that we come in for cake and coffee and we obliged. After dessert, she suggested that Mucker and I go out for a walk along the lake because “the moon is full tonight and the lake is absolutely beautiful when the moon is full.” As we walked around the lake, he asked me if I would seriously consider dating him. I told him that I did not want to date my supervisor. He insisted that we could pull it off. I relented and agreed to begin to date him. After a couple of movie and dinner dates, Mucker became a problem supervisor. Apparently because of his growing attraction, he became paranoid that I was trying to take advantage of him at work. He would swear that he’d given me a work assignment when he had not. Of course when he discovered that the assignment had not been completed, he’d rant and rave and accuse me of taking advantage of our relationship. One day I snapped and told him to “take this job and shove it.” The day I decided to quit was quite eventful. As I left the department and headed toward the timecard machine to clock out for the last time, he walked close to me barking orders and accusations like a mad man. I clocked out, used my middle finger to shoot him an insult and left the store.
We continued to date and boy did he court me! This man not only took me to dinner but often invited my parents to dinner as well. He quickly became an adopted member of the family. My dad, in particular, loved him. Special occasions did not dictate this man’s gift giving. I was constantly surprised to receive gifts—just because. He loved clothes and showered me with outfits, leather shoes and matching purses. He began to attend church with me and showed up at my bedroom window every single morning to see me on his way to work. Often I would invite him in and we would sip hot tea and read bible verses together even before my parents woke up. I thought I was in heaven. The first time we made love, I knew I was in heaven—heaven on earth! This man made my heart sing and my toes curl. I developed an insatiable appetite for sex with this man.
Eventually Mucker invited me home to meet his parents. His mother was nice and friendly but his dad was a strange bird. His dad totally ignored me. He would walk into a room where I was and just act like he didn’t see me—it was as though I was invisible.
Our first Christmas together will always be a strong memory for me. After celebrating Christmas with my family, we traveled to his hometown to share the holidays with his family. It was a strange experience for me because even though they lived in the same house, his parents did not speak directly to each other. They passed messages to each other through their grandson who lived with them. It was amazing. The mother would cook breakfast and Mucker’s parents and the grandson would sit at the same kitchen table. When the father wanted the salt, he’d tell the grandson to tell his wife to hand it to him. I learned that the father was openly dating a younger woman who lived near the family. + I was flabbergasted. The final night of our Christmas holiday visit, I sat on the living room couch watching television. Mucker’s dad came home uncharacteristically early. He stunned me by plopping down on the sofa next to me. He stared at me for the longest time and I kept my eyes focused on the television. Eventually he asked me what my name was and some other demographic information about myself. I smiled and answered his questions. Eventually, he stood up and said that he thought I was a nice girl and good for his son. Mucker and I returned to my hometown before daylight the next morning. Mucker came to my house during his lunch break later that day and after he’d left to return to work, I noticed his reading eyeglasses on the kitchen table. I decided to take them to him at the store. When I arrived at the store, he was not there but his full-time employee was standing up near the cash register wringing her hands. She looked like death warmed over. I rushed over to her and asked her what was wrong. She relayed to me that Mucker’s mother had called and said there had been a serious fatal accident involving Mucker’s father. I assumed someone with the father had died but she informed me that Mucker’s father—the man who finally decided to speak to me just several hours earlier—was the fatality. I was stunned. As I grabbed the display counter to steady myself, Mucker entered the department whistling and smiling. He said, “I just had lunch with you. Guess you can’t stay away from me, huh?” One look at my and the other woman’s faces and he knew something was terribly wrong. He asked what the problem was and all his employee could manage to tell him was to immediately find a phone and call his mother. He went to the customer service counter and called home. I stood by his side as his mother broke the sad news to him that his father had been killed after his car had careened through a barrier and landed at the bottom of a ravine. We immediately headed back to his hometown. By the time we arrived, the car and his father’s body had been recovered. The funeral arrangements, the funeral and the burial will be the subject of another book—a dramatic comedy. However the things I witnessed during this sad time were tale-tale signs that I should have never considered this man a worthy marital prospect. The division in his parent’s marriage was like nothing I had ever seen or heard of in a marriage. The example of marriage that this young man had witnessed was horrible. We remained in his hometown for about ten days while he and his mother went from bank to bank seeking “their inheritance.” They finally found the bank where the father had stashed most of his money but the benefactor was his only daughter—Mucker’s youngest sister. Then, as we were leaving the church after the funeral and preparing to enter the limousine for the ride to the cemetery, a young man walked up and called Mucker’s mother’s name. When she turned around, she gasped. Mucker and I turned around and we gasped. The young man standing before us was a carbon copy of Mucker—just shorter! This was Mucker’s father’s illegitimate son. After the funeral, rather than bringing food and condolences to my future mother-in-law’s house, the locals took food and condolences to the father’s girlfriend’s house! As Mucker’s mother went through her deceased husband’s belongings, she discovered papers showing that her husband had supported his illegitimate son since the day of his birth—in the immediately adjacent town. He even paid cash for this young man’s college education and Mucker’s education was paid for by student loans, grants, work study and his mother’s hard work in a factory. This proof of unabashed infidelity just blew my mind.
Upon our return to my hometown, I was so stressed out; I decided to go visit a friend out of town for a few days. Upon my return from vacation, I detected strangeness about my parents. I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly was going on but I knew something was strange. For Valentine’s Day, Mucker invited me to dinner. During dinner he told me that while I was away visiting my friend, he had paid my parents a visit to ask my hand in marriage and they had said yes. He presented me with a beautiful marquise diamond engagement ring. To say that I was stunned was putting it lightly. I really loved this man and I gladly accepted his marriage proposal. We made plans to get married in June. Unlike my first husband, this man was eager to marry in my church. During the upheaval caused by the wedding planning, we became careless about our birth control and that April, I became pregnant. We decided not to tell our families until after the wedding in June. Our reception was held in the beautiful backyard garden of a dear friend and her husband. We traveled to a beach for a short honeymoon. Upon our return I moved into his apartment. That fall was uneventful as we planned for the birth of our first child. One thing that began to annoy me was Mucker’s insistence that we travel every other weekend to his hometown to see his mother. Because traveling to his hometown was a four-hour drive, my doctor eventually prohibited me from making the trip. In a vision, God revealed to me that I was pregnant with a girl. Mucker practically bought out the entire baby department of his store. Everything he purchased was pink and pretty.
Our beautiful daughter was born that January and Mucker was in the labor and delivery room as she entered the world. My heart was singing. We created her name to be a combination of the first three letters of my first name and the first three letters of his first name.
Once the baby was born, Mucker insisted we begin to travel every other weekend to see his mother. I didn’t complain about the first trip after the baby was born because his mother wanted to see her only granddaughter. After a while, this became tedious and I refused to continue to accompany him home. I begged him to start building our own life together and not make the four-hour trek so often. By the time our daughter was three months old, he was regularly traveling home and I remained in our apartment. ++Eventually, his hometown friends began to travel here to party with him. I began to feel like an outsider because I was neither a drinker nor a party animal. We had a young baby and were living in a one-bedroom apartment and without consulting me, he would regularly invite from four to six people to come party with him on weekends. After awhile, I would pack the baby up and retreat to my parents’ home for the weekend. Eventually the hometown crowd quit visiting but then he began to go home again every other weekend.
During this period, he accepted a position with another retailer and the store was located on a major highway. Very often he scheduled himself off on weekends. One Thursday, as he headed out of the door to work, he kissed the baby and me and we didn’t see him again until Monday night. This was the beginning of the end. When he returned home, I inquired of his whereabouts and he informed me that he had been home to see his mother. This continued for months. Of course I was not aware that even on the weekends he was scheduled to work; his mistress, who was from his hometown, was traveling to my hometown via bus to see him and he would rent a hotel room for them to share. I’ll go into more detail about that during another lesson. After his weekends with me and our daughter became less and less frequent, I eventually moved out of our apartment and back home to live with my parents.
Problem was, little did I know that during our separation, it was I who had become “the other woman.” I will go into much, much more detail about the demise of this marriage in Lesson VIII.
Well, after experiencing the heartbreak and heartache of this marriage, I can truly say, “Sex doth not a relationship/marriage make.” Toe-curling sex as well as sex that makes you wonder (as you lay on your back, with your lover’s sweaty glistening body above you) “When will THIS be over?” should not make or break a relationship. Do not let great sex blind you to the fact that your beau is not marriage material. The latter scenario described what the usual two-minute sexual liaison consisted of with my first husband. No wonder when I met my second husband, I thought, based on the great sex, that he was “da bomb!” He was “da bomb” all right—he blew my heart and life into tiny pieces and it took me years to recover from the fear of being rejected and abandoned by men.
If you are considering a man for a long term, serious, committed relationship, do not, (End of sample chapter excerpt)
What do the flags (crosses) mean?:
+MAJOR DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY WARNING! Do not ignore a man’s upbringing or background. The marital example lived out before him was horrible. This man had been raised in an openly adulterous and disrespectful household and this is exactly how our household became.
++If a man loves you and is committed to building a family, he will not desire to spend quality family time—weekends—away from you, even if it is with his mother. Now let me interject right here, I’m not talking about spending a few hours on the weekend hanging with the fellas or pursuing a hobby. I’m talking about a man who makes it a habit to be away from you and your children during traditional family times (weekends, holidays) and the only time you see him is on week nights, after the kids have been put to bed. There is no excuse —don’t even think about making up an excuse for him. All the great sex in the world is not worth it.
No one is perfect.
We are all a work in progress.
Your ideal mate may not come in the package you are expecting.
However, there is someone who God has for you and the two of you are perfect for each other. Remain open and he will walk right into your life, sometimes in the most unlikely place. Having said that, let’s get back to the desires of your heart. Here are some questions for you to ponder. Does he need to be spiritual, be a regular church attendee or can he just acknowledge that there is a God? Does he have to practice the same faith as you do? Does he need to know the difference between Michael Jordan and Michael Vick; in other words, if you are into sports, is he? Believe it or not, there are some guys who could care less about the Super Bowl, the Sugar Bowl, or any other sporting event. Do you like to attend concerts or the theatre? Does he? If not, is he willing to learn enough about something you like (and vice-versa) so you can enjoy things together? Should he be a tender, slow lover or do you desire someone whose lovemaking requires you to be in the shape of a marathon runner? As you think on what you desire in a man, just remember that even though they say opposites attract; people with more in common have a better chance of staying together. Some people say size does not matter (or does it?); regardless, your sexual appetite and that of your honey does matter. However, the next experience I will share proves just because the sex is great or even decent, does not mean you are to be with this man.
Before I go into the details of how I learned this lesson, let me say this. God created sex. Thank you God! Just look at how God designed the male and female sex organs; perfect fit. Just think of the warmth and comfort you feel when you engage in the sex act with someone you feel passionately about! Thank you God for inventing the sex act.
My heart did a flip-flop when I first laid eyes on my second husband and the father of my children, Mucker. As mentioned in the previous lesson, I had left my first husband and returned to my hometown and was attending the local community college. I decided to seek part-time employment and answered an interview request at a department store. After completing the employment application, I sat in a room in the store’s personnel office with two other applicants. Suddenly, in walked a tall, slim, brown skinned and devastatingly handsome brother. He was wearing a brown, 3-piece suit and a light blue dress shirt. As he shut the door and turned toward the table where we were sitting, his eyes fell on me. Even though he tried to maintain his composure, I could tell (and he later admitted) he was smitten the moment his eyes fell on me. And Lord have mercy, so was I! This gentleman was the men’s clothing department manager and he was seeking a part-time retail clerk. As he gathered his composure, he flashed a smile and asked each applicant a couple of questions and exited the room but not before stealing one last look at me over his shoulder. Later he would tell me that when he exited the room, the personnel manager asked him which of the three applicants he wanted to hire. He replied, “The cute black one.” That was me. This tall, handsome stranger became my supervisor and eventually my husband and the father of my children. I honestly believe that out of the men I have known, I have only really loved two of them and this man was the first.
As Mucker trained me in departmental procedures and retail sales, he often appeared to loose his focus and was quite nervous. After about a month, he asked me to go out with him and I said no. I was not willing to mix work and pleasure. Eventually he exhibited great ingenuity in getting me to go out with him. One day he announced that he was taking his “employees” (me and an older woman who served as his full-time employee) to dinner because of the “hard work” we’d been doing. Our dinner at an Italian restaurant was nice and uneventful and it didn’t go unnoticed by me that as the three of us entered the booth at the restaurant, he ended up sharing my booth bench seat. Following dinner, he drove the other worker home first. This woman and her husband lived in a rural part of my hometown and their house was situated near a picturesque lake on a street bearing their sir name. As we pulled into her driveway, she insisted that we come in for cake and coffee and we obliged. After dessert, she suggested that Mucker and I go out for a walk along the lake because “the moon is full tonight and the lake is absolutely beautiful when the moon is full.” As we walked around the lake, he asked me if I would seriously consider dating him. I told him that I did not want to date my supervisor. He insisted that we could pull it off. I relented and agreed to begin to date him. After a couple of movie and dinner dates, Mucker became a problem supervisor. Apparently because of his growing attraction, he became paranoid that I was trying to take advantage of him at work. He would swear that he’d given me a work assignment when he had not. Of course when he discovered that the assignment had not been completed, he’d rant and rave and accuse me of taking advantage of our relationship. One day I snapped and told him to “take this job and shove it.” The day I decided to quit was quite eventful. As I left the department and headed toward the timecard machine to clock out for the last time, he walked close to me barking orders and accusations like a mad man. I clocked out, used my middle finger to shoot him an insult and left the store.
We continued to date and boy did he court me! This man not only took me to dinner but often invited my parents to dinner as well. He quickly became an adopted member of the family. My dad, in particular, loved him. Special occasions did not dictate this man’s gift giving. I was constantly surprised to receive gifts—just because. He loved clothes and showered me with outfits, leather shoes and matching purses. He began to attend church with me and showed up at my bedroom window every single morning to see me on his way to work. Often I would invite him in and we would sip hot tea and read bible verses together even before my parents woke up. I thought I was in heaven. The first time we made love, I knew I was in heaven—heaven on earth! This man made my heart sing and my toes curl. I developed an insatiable appetite for sex with this man.
Eventually Mucker invited me home to meet his parents. His mother was nice and friendly but his dad was a strange bird. His dad totally ignored me. He would walk into a room where I was and just act like he didn’t see me—it was as though I was invisible.
Our first Christmas together will always be a strong memory for me. After celebrating Christmas with my family, we traveled to his hometown to share the holidays with his family. It was a strange experience for me because even though they lived in the same house, his parents did not speak directly to each other. They passed messages to each other through their grandson who lived with them. It was amazing. The mother would cook breakfast and Mucker’s parents and the grandson would sit at the same kitchen table. When the father wanted the salt, he’d tell the grandson to tell his wife to hand it to him. I learned that the father was openly dating a younger woman who lived near the family. + I was flabbergasted. The final night of our Christmas holiday visit, I sat on the living room couch watching television. Mucker’s dad came home uncharacteristically early. He stunned me by plopping down on the sofa next to me. He stared at me for the longest time and I kept my eyes focused on the television. Eventually he asked me what my name was and some other demographic information about myself. I smiled and answered his questions. Eventually, he stood up and said that he thought I was a nice girl and good for his son. Mucker and I returned to my hometown before daylight the next morning. Mucker came to my house during his lunch break later that day and after he’d left to return to work, I noticed his reading eyeglasses on the kitchen table. I decided to take them to him at the store. When I arrived at the store, he was not there but his full-time employee was standing up near the cash register wringing her hands. She looked like death warmed over. I rushed over to her and asked her what was wrong. She relayed to me that Mucker’s mother had called and said there had been a serious fatal accident involving Mucker’s father. I assumed someone with the father had died but she informed me that Mucker’s father—the man who finally decided to speak to me just several hours earlier—was the fatality. I was stunned. As I grabbed the display counter to steady myself, Mucker entered the department whistling and smiling. He said, “I just had lunch with you. Guess you can’t stay away from me, huh?” One look at my and the other woman’s faces and he knew something was terribly wrong. He asked what the problem was and all his employee could manage to tell him was to immediately find a phone and call his mother. He went to the customer service counter and called home. I stood by his side as his mother broke the sad news to him that his father had been killed after his car had careened through a barrier and landed at the bottom of a ravine. We immediately headed back to his hometown. By the time we arrived, the car and his father’s body had been recovered. The funeral arrangements, the funeral and the burial will be the subject of another book—a dramatic comedy. However the things I witnessed during this sad time were tale-tale signs that I should have never considered this man a worthy marital prospect. The division in his parent’s marriage was like nothing I had ever seen or heard of in a marriage. The example of marriage that this young man had witnessed was horrible. We remained in his hometown for about ten days while he and his mother went from bank to bank seeking “their inheritance.” They finally found the bank where the father had stashed most of his money but the benefactor was his only daughter—Mucker’s youngest sister. Then, as we were leaving the church after the funeral and preparing to enter the limousine for the ride to the cemetery, a young man walked up and called Mucker’s mother’s name. When she turned around, she gasped. Mucker and I turned around and we gasped. The young man standing before us was a carbon copy of Mucker—just shorter! This was Mucker’s father’s illegitimate son. After the funeral, rather than bringing food and condolences to my future mother-in-law’s house, the locals took food and condolences to the father’s girlfriend’s house! As Mucker’s mother went through her deceased husband’s belongings, she discovered papers showing that her husband had supported his illegitimate son since the day of his birth—in the immediately adjacent town. He even paid cash for this young man’s college education and Mucker’s education was paid for by student loans, grants, work study and his mother’s hard work in a factory. This proof of unabashed infidelity just blew my mind.
Upon our return to my hometown, I was so stressed out; I decided to go visit a friend out of town for a few days. Upon my return from vacation, I detected strangeness about my parents. I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly was going on but I knew something was strange. For Valentine’s Day, Mucker invited me to dinner. During dinner he told me that while I was away visiting my friend, he had paid my parents a visit to ask my hand in marriage and they had said yes. He presented me with a beautiful marquise diamond engagement ring. To say that I was stunned was putting it lightly. I really loved this man and I gladly accepted his marriage proposal. We made plans to get married in June. Unlike my first husband, this man was eager to marry in my church. During the upheaval caused by the wedding planning, we became careless about our birth control and that April, I became pregnant. We decided not to tell our families until after the wedding in June. Our reception was held in the beautiful backyard garden of a dear friend and her husband. We traveled to a beach for a short honeymoon. Upon our return I moved into his apartment. That fall was uneventful as we planned for the birth of our first child. One thing that began to annoy me was Mucker’s insistence that we travel every other weekend to his hometown to see his mother. Because traveling to his hometown was a four-hour drive, my doctor eventually prohibited me from making the trip. In a vision, God revealed to me that I was pregnant with a girl. Mucker practically bought out the entire baby department of his store. Everything he purchased was pink and pretty.
Our beautiful daughter was born that January and Mucker was in the labor and delivery room as she entered the world. My heart was singing. We created her name to be a combination of the first three letters of my first name and the first three letters of his first name.
Once the baby was born, Mucker insisted we begin to travel every other weekend to see his mother. I didn’t complain about the first trip after the baby was born because his mother wanted to see her only granddaughter. After a while, this became tedious and I refused to continue to accompany him home. I begged him to start building our own life together and not make the four-hour trek so often. By the time our daughter was three months old, he was regularly traveling home and I remained in our apartment. ++Eventually, his hometown friends began to travel here to party with him. I began to feel like an outsider because I was neither a drinker nor a party animal. We had a young baby and were living in a one-bedroom apartment and without consulting me, he would regularly invite from four to six people to come party with him on weekends. After awhile, I would pack the baby up and retreat to my parents’ home for the weekend. Eventually the hometown crowd quit visiting but then he began to go home again every other weekend.
During this period, he accepted a position with another retailer and the store was located on a major highway. Very often he scheduled himself off on weekends. One Thursday, as he headed out of the door to work, he kissed the baby and me and we didn’t see him again until Monday night. This was the beginning of the end. When he returned home, I inquired of his whereabouts and he informed me that he had been home to see his mother. This continued for months. Of course I was not aware that even on the weekends he was scheduled to work; his mistress, who was from his hometown, was traveling to my hometown via bus to see him and he would rent a hotel room for them to share. I’ll go into more detail about that during another lesson. After his weekends with me and our daughter became less and less frequent, I eventually moved out of our apartment and back home to live with my parents.
Problem was, little did I know that during our separation, it was I who had become “the other woman.” I will go into much, much more detail about the demise of this marriage in Lesson VIII.
Well, after experiencing the heartbreak and heartache of this marriage, I can truly say, “Sex doth not a relationship/marriage make.” Toe-curling sex as well as sex that makes you wonder (as you lay on your back, with your lover’s sweaty glistening body above you) “When will THIS be over?” should not make or break a relationship. Do not let great sex blind you to the fact that your beau is not marriage material. The latter scenario described what the usual two-minute sexual liaison consisted of with my first husband. No wonder when I met my second husband, I thought, based on the great sex, that he was “da bomb!” He was “da bomb” all right—he blew my heart and life into tiny pieces and it took me years to recover from the fear of being rejected and abandoned by men.
If you are considering a man for a long term, serious, committed relationship, do not, (End of sample chapter excerpt)
What do the flags (crosses) mean?:
+MAJOR DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY WARNING! Do not ignore a man’s upbringing or background. The marital example lived out before him was horrible. This man had been raised in an openly adulterous and disrespectful household and this is exactly how our household became.
++If a man loves you and is committed to building a family, he will not desire to spend quality family time—weekends—away from you, even if it is with his mother. Now let me interject right here, I’m not talking about spending a few hours on the weekend hanging with the fellas or pursuing a hobby. I’m talking about a man who makes it a habit to be away from you and your children during traditional family times (weekends, holidays) and the only time you see him is on week nights, after the kids have been put to bed. There is no excuse —don’t even think about making up an excuse for him. All the great sex in the world is not worth it.
The book can be purchased from (may still be available with old book cover) :
Lulu (publisher)
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Booksamillion
Lulu (publisher)
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Booksamillion
Content copyright 2011. Love Lessons Learned. All rights reserved.
